Modern Compass definition: Self Control is the practice of deciding who you’re going to be, one selected discipline at a time.

Self Control is built on one key thing: discipline. Oftentimes willpower is the term that comes to mind, and it comes into play but it’s more a fuel source than a driving force. Instead, picture willpower as the effort you burn in the moment of temptation, pulled from a daily charge that is finite. Self Control is the system that governs it, and the essence of that system is discipline over in-the-moment willpower. Now that’s easier said than done so we'll start with what actually drives discipline, and how we decide what those consist of. 

There are actually three sources that fuel discipline:

One quick distinction before we go further, because I'll use this word two ways. Discipline is the ability itself, keeping your promises to yourself. A discipline is one specific promise you've put that ability behind. You have one discipline, and you point it at a small number of disciplines. When I talk later about choosing two or three, I'm talking about the promises, not the ability.

Something I have come to believe is that fear is actually the primary driver of discipline. Not inspiration,  ambition, or a stellar morning routine. Simply fear. By all means, those things like a morning routine certainly help, but not the driving force. When I say fear, I don't mean daily anxiety or dread, and I certainly don’t mean fear based discipline in others. This is exclusive to you and how you manage yourself. Also this isn’t to unlearn everything the prior chapters have taught about being intentional and building confidence through discomfort, but fear can be a powerful ally when building discipline. 

Fear fueled discipline looks different for different people. The fear of a health diagnosis changes how someone eats. The fear of never finishing what they started gets someone back to work. The fear of stagnation keeps someone in school or starting a business, when quitting would be easier. A military recruit may fear breaking a family legacy and use that to push through training. If you’re really honest with yourself, you will find fear doing most of the heavy lifting all along if you’re listening. Fear can control you, but I’m suggesting that you use the fear to fuel your disciplines and Self Control.

Try it right now. Pick one area where your discipline keeps failing. Ask yourself what the worst realistic outcome is if you never change or improve it. What happens if I don’t do this. If you aren’t sure of that worst depiction, look it up or ask AI. Sit with it until it's uncomfortable. Then take one small action toward that area today, while the weight is still fresh. There is more to expand here, but this is the start.

(fast forwarding in the book a bit) There is a real benefit to keeping a discipline of any kind long term. Researchers who tracked people picking up one new discipline, something as ordinary as sticking with a new exercise discipline, found it spilled into parts of life that had nothing to do with exercise, steadier eating, better follow through on commitments, closer tracking of spending, even less smoking and drinking (Oaten and Cheng, 2006). You don't need to fix everything and even a discipline can start extremely small, the important part is what I call closing the decision, and that's where we're headed next.

I discovered this through intermittent fasting. I can very easily and without thought fast through breakfast to lunch. In fact, the only times I eat breakfast now are occasionally on weekends with my family and on vacations. It takes no effort to go back to fasting because it's simply what I do now. Something I’ve struggled with near the time of this writing is snacking after I’ve had lunch vs just fasting through to dinner. The difference is the number of decisions each plan requires. "I fast during the week to dinner" also known as one meal a day (OMAD) is one decision, made once at whatever interval I choose, but its the plan practically Monday through Friday.. It’s the avoidance of having to make many small decisions regarding a chosen discipline where every negotiation is another chance to lose. Even with healthy snacks available, I'll often lose this battle when I eat lunch and snack in the afternoon. I may still get hungry while fasting till dinner, but hunger isn't the threat, the open decision is the threat. 

I call this the “closed decision” which becomes one of your disciplines. When the decision is closed, your impulses can knock all they want, but the door typically doesn't open, because there's nothing to discuss. When the decision stays open, you're forced to win the same fight over and over, and a discipline powered by willpower alone will wane to eventually caving for the day. If you've ever wondered why you can be iron-willed about one thing and helpless about another, look at whether the decision is closed or open. That has a lot to do with it.

(fast forwarding in the book a bit) So if closed decisions that become disciplines are this powerful, why not close a dozen of them? This is because discipline also requires mental bandwidth to exist and this bandwidth is finite. Right now I have two fear-fueled disciplines running: fasting, fueled by the fear of weight gain and repeating my dad's diabetes diagnosis , and this book, fueled by the fear of never making an impact and never finishing what I started. Those two run strong. Behind them sits a list of things I know I should do. I should work out, I should floss daily, and the list goes on. Every item on that list is real, but I simply don't have the ability or time to do them all.

You have mental bandwidth for a few, and fear is how you choose them. If you made some notes or list above when asked what happens if I don’t do this (to whatever has been on your mind), bring that back for a moment. 

If you have multiple things, you’ll find the answers don't carry the same weight. A good example I’ve lived through, skipping flossing daily costs me a lecture from the dentist in my 30s, but skipping flossing period in my 40s will cost me gum disease. Can you feel the difference in weight there? Choose the ones that carry the most fear, because those are the ones with real consequences attached, and fear is that long term fuel that can help keep you going.